Ron's Afro
by TheLovelyNatalieRose
Summary: Ron had never been happy with his hair. It never really 'described' him. He thought that he needed a hair style that described his personality and who he was. And finally one day, he discovered the afro. Join Ron as he struggles for acceptance.
1. Unwanted Visitors

Story title: Ron's Afro

Chapter title: Unwanted Visitors

Date posted: Monday, June 26, 2006

Rating: PG13 (or T)

**A/N: Hey everybody. This is my second fic and I am proud to say that I've finally got off my lazy butt and started writing! Well, I'd just like to say, "ENJOY!" Oh, and chapter 1 may not be TOO funny. Sorry. By the way, you should read my first story, Girl Lessons. **

It was a glorious summer day at the Burrow. Everything was quiet and peaceful. Not a cloud in the sky. Nothing moved. It was as if everything had fallen into a deep slumber.

"RONALD WEASLEY!" screeched a shrill voice.

Never mind.

"GET DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!"

"Coming, Mum!" yelled a gangly teen of about 17 years as he stumbled down the stairs. The first thing that you might notice about this particular teen is that his head appears to be on fire. In which case, you might yell, "OM MY GOD!" and attempt to put it out with a water spell.

However, upon closer inspection, you will see that this "fire" is actually just a long, curly, tangled-up mess of bright red hair. One that is familiar with Ron's personal life might say, "GOOD LORD! IT'S WORSE THAN HERMIONE'S HAIR! WHAT DID YOU DO TO IT?" However, Ron's family was use to it by now.

"Ron, dear, we are going to be late!" said Mrs. Weasley in a rushed tone.

"Where are we going again?" Ron asked sheepishly.

"Why, I do believe that Ickle Ronniekins has actually forgotten where _she _is going!" came the cheerful voice of Fred, Ron's older brother.

"My dear brother, you couldn't be more correct!" came the cheery voice of George, Fred's twin. The infamous Weasley twins swaggered into the room.

"What are _you two_ doing here?" asked Ron in a hateful tone.

Fred and George mocked a look of hurt.

"Aren't you glad to see us, Ickle Ronniek-"

"Oh shut it! We have to go…somewhere…and we are going to be late if we stick around talking to you!"

George leaned over to Fred and whispered, "It must be that time of the month for our poor Ickle Ronniekins!" Fred sniggered.

Mrs. Weasley sighed, exasperated.

"Fred, George, it's not like we don't enjoy your company, but we really do have to be going."

"Then we'll make this quick!" said Fred as he handed Ron a stack of index cards.

"Those are our business cards. You know, for the joke shop!"

"We need you to hand those out to students when you go back to Hoggy Warty."

But before they could say anything else about the shop, Mrs. Weasley pushed Ron out the door and shoved him into the muggle car that Mr. Weasley had recently bought.

"HAVE FUN AT THE BEAUTY SHOP!" yelled the twins before Mrs. Weasley sped wildly down the road.

_I wonder what they meant by that… _thought Ron. But this was quickly put out of his mind as he thought back to just a few weeks ago. He didn't know how Harry had done it, but he had defeated Voldermort. Ron and Hermione had helped with the horcruxes, but they had not been with Harry when he battled Voldermort. They had been battling death eaters at the time. They had taken down Lucious Malfoy and many of the other death eaters, but they had yet to find Snape. However, they decided that he was of no real danger when his master was dead, so that could wait until next summer. They had decided to come to Hogwarts to finish up their last year in peace, and perhaps train to become aurors.

Ron sighed happily as he laid back and wondered where he was going. The poor fool had no idea that this day would be the first day of a new, strange life.


	2. STYLE

Story title: Ron's Afro

Chapter title: S.T.Y.L.E.

Date posted: Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Rating: PG13

**A/N: OMG! I can't believe it! I forgot the disclaimer! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything in Harry Potter. I don't own the afro either. However, I do own Nick and S.T.Y.L.E. Magazine. At least I think I do…**

**A/N: Oh, and thanks for reviewing, Silver Ice. He doesn't have an afro yet, but he will. All I good time. Mwa Ha Ha! **

Mrs. Weasley led Ron into the strangest room he had ever seen. Middle-aged women sat in strange chairs all around the room. Some had weird things on their heads, while others just sat there while men with short, bleach blonde hair used weird devices on the women's heads. What was this evil place? The head-quarters of a brain-washing cult, perhaps?

"Mum, where the bloody hell are we?" asked Ron in a shaky voice.

Mrs. Weasley took a deep breath. "Well, Ronald, we are here to see a _special_ kind of muggle doctor. You know, for your _problem_."

"But, Mum! Why can't you just-"

"Ronald, not even the strongest spell in the wizarding world could help _your _hair."

It was then that Ron noticed one of the strange men walking towards them.

"Konnichiwa! You must be my 2 o'clock! My name is Nick. Right this way." The man spoke in a cheerful voice. Ron suddenly got very nervous, for he realized that Nick was gay.

"Rest your rump here, sweetie!" exclaimed Nick, motioning towards one of the strange chairs.

Ron hesitantly sat down. "I am a guy, you know…" he said awkwardly. He didn't like being called 'sweetie' very much.

"Oh I know THAT, you silly mongoose! I think your mother said your name was Ralph… I once had a cat named Ralphie! Isn't that such a cute name? Unfortunately, about two years ago… he… he got ran over by a mean old truck!" At this, Nick burst into tears. Ron was starting to get really nervous about this whole thing. But quite suddenly, Nick stopped crying and smiled. "Oh well! Enough about the past! Let's get back to that mess that is your hair!"

Nick ran his hands through Ron's tangled mane. "My GOD! Sweetie, what _have_ you done to your hair?"

"Uh…" Ron began nervously, "I've been trying out different hair styles over the past few years. You see, I never have found a style that really 'describes' me. I want a hair style that shows that despite all of the disappointment I have suffered through, I still manage to keep a positive attitude and how I really am a cool person deep down inside. And so, at first I tried a Beatles hair cut, but it made me look like a dork. So then, I tried having shoulder-length hair, but it made me look like a girl, so then I tried having short hair, like my friend, Harry, but it made me look gay, and well, it was really weird, so-"

"What's wrong with being gay?" snapped Nick.

"N-nothing! I'm sorry… I didn't mean it like that… Anyway, after that, I tried my hair like my friend Hermione's, but it got out of control, and so here I am."

Nick sighed. "Here. Look through S.T.Y.L.E. magazine and tell me if you see anything you like… Are you sure you don't want to be gay? I think that you would make a good gay guy! That hair style is just SO 'you,' sweetie."

"Uh… No thanks…"

After looking at several different styles, Ron saw one that he thought was perfect. Unshed tears filled his eyes. "Finally! After all these years! I found it!" The tears poured down Ron's face. He smiled gleefully and pointed it out to Nick.

"Oh, honey! Pah-_lease_ don't tell me you want _that _one. It's hideous! In fact, it's so ugly that it's FUGLY!"

Ron frowned. I think it really describes me. Plus, it's sooo cool!"

"Yeah… If only the 1970's didn't end _thirty_ _years _ago." Nick muttered under his breath. "Oh well. It's your hair, kiddo."

Ron never thought that he could be SO bored. It took at least an hour for Nick to finish Ron's hair. The worst part was that while Nick was making Ron's hair funky-fresh, he talked. And talked. And TALKED! Ron didn't know that someone could talk for SO LONG about nothing! Geez! This guy was more boring than an empty jar of pickles! Oh well. At least it was finally over. Plus, now Ron had an awesome new style!

Ron walked up to his mom and said, "All right, Mum, I'm ready to go."

Mrs. Weasley looked up from the magazine she was reading and screamed.

"RONALD WEASLEY! WHAT IS THAT _THING_ ON YOUR HEAD?"

"Chill out, Mum, it's just my 'fro."

"YOUR WHAT?"

"My afro. A-F-R-O. Isn't it far-out?"

Mrs. Weasley fainted.


	3. Death by Laughter

Story title: Ron's Afro

Chapter title: Impressions

Date posted: Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Rating: PG13 (or T)

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while, guys. I've been really busy. First, I went on vacation with my parents, then I went to Girl Scout Camp for a whole week. Plus, I'm really lazy. Sorry. I guess I'll try to update more often. Thanks for reviewing, Silver Ice, SockMonkey 101, kyolover0514, fluffylover101, and Emotional. Glad you all liked it! Oh, and Silver Ice, I like the hairstylist, too. He's probably the best OC I've ever created! Anyway, on with the story! **

A week had passed since Ron got his afro. He had received his letter for Hogwarts, and was getting ready to go to Diagon Alley, when his mother said, "That's all right, Ronald. I'll go get your school supplies. You don't need to come."

"But, Mum! I always go! Why would I not go? I… (gasp) Mum! Y…You…You're _ashamed_ of me! It's my afro, isn't it? You never really liked it! You're afraid that I'll embarrass you! I'm your _son!_ Why can't you just accept me for who I am?" Ron yelled with tears streaming down his face.

"Ron-"

"Just forget it! I hate you!" he screamed as he dashed up to his room.

3 weeks later

Ron was getting ready to go to the train station. It was his first day of his 7th year at Hogwarts. He and his mother hadn't spoken since the 'incident.' Ron just hoped that his friends would be more accepting and supporting than his mother.

They arrived at the train station in a couple of hours.

"Well, Ronald! Are you ready for another wonderful year at Hogwarts?" asked Mrs. Weasley with a cheesy fake smile.

"Hmph! I bet you can't wait until I get on that train. You just want me to get away from you as soon as possible, and that's fine with me!"

"Ronald-"

"Shut up! You never really loved me for who I am! You won't accept me because I'm not nearly as perfect as any of your other children!"

Mrs. Weasley gasped. "Ron! Don't talk like that! You're a great son!"

"But I'm still not good enough, am I?" snapped Ron with anger in his voice. Before Mrs. Weasley even had the chance to say anything, Ron got out of the car and ran. He didn't care where he was going or how ridiculous he looked. He just wanted to get away from everything. He ran blindly, with tears falling rapidly from his face.

Suddenly, he bumped into someone. "Oh, sorry. I didn't…" he mumbled lamely. When he looked up, his eyes fell upon his two very best friends. Harry Potter and Hermione Granger.

"Oh, I… Um…" he stuttered, looking for just the right words to say. They both looked absolutely stunned.

"Oh…My…God…" whispered Harry. But before Ron could even think about saying something, Harry screamed, "Ooo! Hermione! It's a clown! I LOVE CLOWNS! Do you think he knows how to make balloon animals? I WANT AN AARDVARK WITH NINE TOES AND A MUSTASHE!"

"Uh…Harry?" Hermione questioned, shell-shocked as she stared at an embarrassed Ron. Harry was oblivious. He simply continued to jump around like a four-year-old that had just eaten 5 bowls of Chocolate-Dipped-Sugar-Coated-Caffeine-Puffs.

"OH MY GOD! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO HAVE A CLOWN FOR A BEST FRIEND! WE CAN HAVE WACKY ADVENTURES AND MAKE BROWNIES AND GO TO THE PARK AND BUILD A ROCKET SHIP AND HAVE A SLEEPOVER AND TELL SECRETS AND DO EACH OTHER'S HAIR AND-"

"HARRY!" yelled Hermione, finally catching his attention. "That's **_RON_**."

Harry stared at Ron with wide eyes. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Harry said, "Ron… Ron is… He's… Ron's a clown?" Ron and Hermione stared at Harry. "OH MY GOD, THAT'S EVEN BETTER! NOW WE CAN-"

"DAMMIT, HARRY! I'M NOT A BLOODY CLOWN! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Ron took a deep breath. "Look, I just got a new hairstyle. That's all. What do you guys think, by the way?"

They stared at Ron for a moment before Hermione spoke. "Well, Ron, it certainly is…er…_unique._"

Harry burst out laughing. He pointed at Ron and managed to squeak out a couple of words in between giggles. "Ron-hee hee-you look-ha ha-ridiculous! New hairstyle…hee hee…_unique_…HA HA! (snort) AH HA HA!"

"Shut up, Harry!" snapped Ron as he turned to Hermione. He looked at her with pleading eyes, willing her to say something good. Hermione only stared. Suddenly, the train station's once peaceful air was filled with shrill screeches of laughter. Hermione had let out what she had been trying to hold in. It was no use. Ron's hair was just too damn funny.

Not too far away, Mrs. Weasley only stopped sobbing for a moment, as she raised her head to hear what sounded like loud fits of uncontrolled laughter. She stood there, puzzled. It seemed impossible for someone to laugh like that at a time like this. Her youngest son hated her. And she only had herself to blame.

30 minutes later

Harry, Ron, and Hermione boarded the train bound for Hogwarts. They found an empty compartment and sat down. Harry and Hermione were still giggling. Ron had an annoyed expression on his face. Suddenly, the compartment door slid open. The trio looked up to see Draco Malfoy.

He sneered and said coldly, "Hello, Potter, mudblood, it's good to see you again…Is that a clown? Oh my god! I LOVE CLOWNS! Do you think he can make balloon animals? I want a unicorn!" He said the last few sentences with awed excitement.

"NO, I'M NOT A BLOODY CLOWN!" yelled Ron.

"Weasley?" Draco questioned in disbelief.

"Yes, dammit! It's me, Ronald Billius Weasley!"

Draco looked at Ron with a queer expression on his face. He stared and stared. Finally, he started laughing. He laughed and laughed and laughed. This offended Ron highly.

"Hey! What's so funny? I like my 'fro! I think it's funky fresh and the foxy ladies love it!"

This only made Draco laugh harder. _Oh…My…God…This is hilarious!_ thought Draco. _Ow! My side! It's starting to cramp up from laughing so hard! Ow! My jaw! It hurts too! Laughing this much is painful! But I just can't stop! The harder I try to stop, the more I laugh! This is ridiculous! I'll never stop laughing! Oh lord! It just keeps coming! I think I'm going to die like this! What a horrible way to die! This is it! The end! Goodbye cruel world! I'm so scared! I want to cry! But I can't! All I can do is laugh! It's just too damn funny! Damn you to hell, Ronald Billius Weasley and your accursed afro! _Unfortunately, this was the very last thought that Draco had. For he had exploded from all the tension and pressure the laughter had put on him. Yes, he had literally died laughing.


	4. The Madness of Harry

Story Title: Ron's Afro

Chapter Title: The Madness of Harry

Date Posted: Wednesday, August 9, 2006

Rating: PG13

**A/N: Sorry for being lazy again. I really need to update more often. I'll try to. This time I really will. **

Finally, the Hogwarts Express reached its destination. Ron happily stepped out and headed for the seemingly horseless carriages. Ron didn't notice all of the people laughing, pointing, and staring incredulously at him. He probably thought that they were admiring him or something. The poor deluded, fool.

Anyway, when they walked into the great hall, they noticed a strange man sitting at the staff table. The man stood up and put his hand out to signal the students to quiet down.

However, since they were nothing but ungrateful, sassy, hormonally-challenged teenagers, they paid him no attention. He got angry very quickly and shouted, "SHUT-UP YOU LITTLE UNGRATEFUL, SASSY, HORMONALLY-CHALLENGED TEENAGERS!"

They all stopped talking immediately. Apparently, most of them didn't like being referred to as ungrateful, sassy, hormonally-challenged teenagers.

"Thank you," said the man. "Now, I'm sure that many of you are wondering who the heck I am. Well, I'm your new dictator-er I mean, I'm your new _Headmaster._" The students noticed that he had a Texas drawl. "My name is Bob. So you can call me, Professor Bob. I'm sure that we'll get along very nicely. Anyway, let the siesta began!" he said happily.

McGonagall leaned over to him and whispered. "Do you realize that you just said, 'let the _nap_ begin?"

Bob laughed. "You are so funny! I'll have you know that I speak **perfect** French." McGonagall sighed wearily.

Hermione gaped at Bob. Ron and Harry started eating like mad little grease-covered pigs in a wheelbarrow filled with cheese.

Hermione looked at them. "You do realize that our new headmaster is a complete idiot, don't you?"

Harry stopped eating abruptly. "Don't you dare call Dumbledore an idiot. If you do, I'll kill you." He said darkly.

"Uh, Harry? Dumbledore's dead," said Ron.

"What do you mean by that?" Harry snapped. "He's right there!" Harry pointed to Bob.

Hermione sighed. She leaned towards Ron and whispered, "Ever since the whole Voldermort thing, he's been as nutty as a fruitcake. He thinks that Dumbledore is still the headmaster and that Darth Vader is his father."

"What?" asked Ron, confused.

"Never mind," said Hermione. "Look, all you need to know is that Harry has gone crazy and that he is very sensitive right now. One wrong word and he'll snap and become hostile. So keep calm around him and try not to set him off."

Suddenly, Hermione started giggling. "I'm sorry Ron, I just can't have a serious talk with you when your wearing that ridiculous thing on your head!" she laughed.

Ron glared at her.

Later that Night

Ron and Harry were in their dorm with Seamus and Dean. Seamus and Dean were laughing their heads off.

"Ron, that afro is hilarious!" laughed Dean.

"Yeah, I don't think that I've ever seen something so funny in my entire life!" giggled Seamus.

Ron glared. "Look, I'll have you know that this is the coolest hairstyle I've ever had! Everybody admires me and treats me like the funky-fresh man that I am. Also, this thing is MAGIC!"

"Yeah, it is magic how it can make someone look so weird." Dean muttered. Seamus stared at him incredulously. "That was a really lame joke." He whispered to Dean. Dean scowled.

"Besides," continued Ron, "The ladies really dig it."

"Yeah," laughed Seamus. "When the ladies see you, they take a shovel and dig all the way to China to get away!"

Dean suddenly got very angry. "And you think that my joke was lame! That was the lamest pun I've ever heard! You bastard! How dare you! Come here! I'm going to beat you until we both get better at telling jokes!" Dean lunged at Seamus.

"Uh, Dean, you're scaring me! Stop! Noooo!" screamed Seamus as Dean beat him up.

"What the hell was that about?" asked Ron, who was deeply confuzzled.

Ron looked at Harry, who was hugging his knees and mumbling. "The tooth fairy is coming, tonight! She's coming to reap her horrible vengeance on me! Ahh! I've got to escape. Yes, I'll get my father to use the force to defeat her! Yeessss… Hahaha!"

Ron shook his head. _Harry really has gone crazy. _He thought.

Suddenly, Ron realized that his afro pick was missing! "Oh my god! Where is it?" he panicked.

Ron shook Harry's shoulders. "What did you do with my afro pick! He yelled."

Harry looked at him sadly. "I didn't want to be the one to tell you this, but your flashlight is out of batteries."

"What?" asked Ron. "What the hell does that have to do with ANYTHING? I don't even know what flashlights or batteries are!"

Harry gasped. "Oops. Wrong bad news! I meant to say that your afro pick is in a coma. I'm sorry. There's nothing that I can do."

Ron stared at Harry incredulously. "Uh, never mind, Harry. I'll find it tomorrow. Goodnight."

"Nighty-night, Colonel Mustard," said Harry happily.

"What?"

Ron wondered why Harry was acting so crazy right now, when he had been fine earlier.

The truth was that every morning, Harry takes crazy pills to keep him sane. However, as the day goes on, Harry gets weirder and weirder. But let's show him some sympathy. After all, who hasn't called their best friend 'Colonel Mustard' by mistake, or thought that Darth Vader was their dad? I know I have. So, let's not be to hasty when we judge Harry. War has made him like this. It's not his fault.

Anyway, about Ron's afro pick. For those of you that don't know, it's that little comb that sticks out of people's afros. When Ron gets up the next morning, he shall discover that it had fallen off his bed and that it is comfortably resting on the ground near the place where he put his shoes, all ready for the next day.


	5. Psychedelic Slughorn

Story Title: Ron's Afro

Chapter Title: Psychedelic Slughorn

Date Posted: Monday, August 14, 2006

Rating: PG13

**OMG! I forgot to thank everyone for reviewing for the last two chapters! Ahh! This is gonna be really long…**

**Hazel Maraa: Thanks for your reviews! Glad you thought it was funny. Oh, and I haven't read that book yet, but I'll keep an eye out for it and I just might read it. **

**Silver Ice: Thank you so much! For both of your reviews! I'm so glad you liked it. And I don't know why I wrote that description. It was weird… I guess I was on a sugar high or something… Anyway, Thanks again! **

**SockMonkey101: Ya! I luv ya too, cousin! Glad you liked it!**

**Kyolover0514: Hey T-dawg! Glad you like it! See you at school!**

**RoxasxNamine4ever****: Hey, thanks for reviewing! Glad that you think it's funny and that you like randomness! **

**tresdrole: thanks for reviewing! Glad you liked it! **

**Lupin's Furry Little Problem: Glad you thought that was funny! One of my friends didn't think that the fake drama was funny, she thought it was weird! I'm glad you see the humor in it. **

**Iris: Thanks for the review! Sorry about killing off Draco… Still, I'm glad that you thought it was hilarious! **

**Kitty12345: I'm sorry that your parents thought that you were insane… That once happened to me when I was reading a really funny fanfic! btw, that is one of my favorite parts that you mentioned! **

**A/N: Yay! I'm posting earlier than I usually do! Hurray! Oh, and if you have any ideas, please tell me. I kinda have writer's block.**

It was a lovely morning at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It just so happened that classes started on that day.

Potions (8:30 am)

Potions was first today. Harry, Ron and Hermione stepped into the class. Slughorn was setting up some equipment near his desk.

"Good morning, class. Today, we will be making a special kind of potion. First let me just… What the heck is that?" Slughorn asked, staring at Ron's hair.

"My 'fro."

"Your WHAT?"

"My afro! You know, that funky-fresh hairstyle from the seventies? Haven't you ever heard of them?"

Slughorn thought back to the good old days. The seventies.

Flashback

A slightly younger Slughorn stepped into a potions classroom in Hogwarts in the seventies. He had an afro and disco clothes. The students all turned and stared incredulously at him.

"Hey, class, my little funksters! Are you oppressing the Man today?"

"What?" some of them asked.

"Don't question things, little dudes. Things are as they are. Now, let's get down and…BOOGIE! Can you dig it?"

"Slammin'!" yelled the students as music came on. They all stood up and danced.

"Oh yeah! Feel the funk!" yelled Slughorn as he did the moonwalk.

End Flashback

Slughorn sighed dreamily. He snapped out of it and said, "Heard of them! Why, 35 years ago, I was da bomb! I had the coolest afro in Hogwarts. Actually, it was the only one, but whatever! I was Commander Cool! Righteous Rabbit! Far-out Fighter! Psychedelic Slughorn! Everyone loved me!"

The students stared at him.

"You know, I could lend you my Seventies' Slang Book! Far-out Phrases! Cool Comments! Radical R-"

"OKAY! WE GET IT!" yelled the students.

Ron stepped forward. "Really? That would be awesome!"

Slughorn wagged his finger. "I think you mean awesome-possum!"

Ron smiled. The other students groaned. This was going to be a very long, very weird year.

That Night

Ron was up in his dorm looking through the book.

_Wow. This thing has EVERYTHING! Look at all these rad sayings!_ He thought.

Harry walked in. "Hey, Captain Crunch! Have you seen my banana? I can't find it anywhere!"

Ron ignored him. _The pills must have worn off. _He thought.

Harry started crying.

Ron sighed. "Geez, dude! Take a chill pill!"

Harry stopped crying. "Oh, my doctor says I'm only allowed to have one pill a day."

Ron stared at him incredulously. "Say, Brotha, how's about you just sit on it."

"Sit on what?" asked Harry.

"Don't be so square, man!"

"Uh, what are you reading?"

"Yo, man! Stop dipping in my Kool-aid!"

"What?"

"You heard me! Now split!"

"You're weird."

"YO! Don't be trippin'!"

"I can't understand what you're saying!"

"You're harshing my mellow!"

Harry just walked away. He decided to sleep on the couch in the common room that night.

Ron sighed.

He decided that Harry was a real square and that if he wanted to still be tight with Ron, then he would have to get down with the language. You know, go with the flow. Ron told Harry this the next morning. Harry just stared at him, incredulously.

Meanwhile, Hermione was also having trouble adjusting to the language.

**A/N: Woo! Another chapter done! That one was hard because I had to look up some 70's lingo on the internet. It was weird... Anyway, just in case someone didn't understand that conversation Harry and Ron had, I've rewritten it in English. Enjoy. **

Ron sighed. "Geez, dude! Calm down!"

Harry stopped crying. "Oh, my doctor says I'm only allowed to have one pill a day."

Ron stared at him incredulously. "Hey, Harry? Just Shut-up."

"Sit on what?" asked Harry.

"Don't be so stupid!"

"Uh, what are you reading?"

"Hey! Stay out of my business!"

"What?"

"You heard me! Now leave!"

"You're weird."

"Hey! Don't insult me!"

"I can't understand what you're saying!"

"You're making me mad!"

**A/N: Hope that makes things clearer! **


	6. Casanova

Story title: Ron's Afro

Chapter title: Casanova

Date posted: Saturday, September 23, 2006

Rating: PG13 (or T)

**A/N: Hey guys. Sorry, I know it's been a while, but I have major writer's block. I mean, I have ideas, but they would come later in the story, so yeah… Anyways, thanks to:**

**Hazel Maraa: Thanks! Sorry, I'm just a little stupid. I didn't realize it was a fic. **

**SockMonkey101: Aw! Thanks, Laura! You are just SO sweet! You're my favorite cousin, you know. Love ya!**

**RoxasxNamine4ever: Thanks! I'm glad you like it so much! **

**Raquel: I enjoyed your review. Peace, home maker!**

**tinavel: Glad you thought it was funny! Sorry that you almost fell off your chair. **

**Silver Ice: Thanks! Yeah, it would be terrible to live in the seventies. That was a fashion nightmare!**

**Lupin's Furry Little Problem: I thought it was funny too, but Seamus sure thought it was lame! Anyway, glad you thought it was funny! I thought it was. Yep, awesome possum does rhyme! I got that phrase from my friend, Jordan!**

**By the way, to those of you that don't know (which is probably all of you), Casanova is like a pimp, a guy that gets all the girls. **

**ON WITH THE STORY! XD**

"Hubba hubba, bunny-babe. I wanna go to score-city, and I want you to go with. You copy, foxy-mama?"

"Ron, what are you talking about?"

Ron sighed. "Aw! Come on, babe! Don't be such a fruit! Do me a solid, and let's go to freak-city, baby."

Hermione stared incredulously at Ron. "I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Why do you have to be so Gag-Me-With-A-Spoon? Don't you want to come chillaxin with me at my pad?"

"RON, JUST TALK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!"

"Whoa! Don't have a cow; I can see you're a little freaky-deaky today. Why don't you just chill for now, and I'll come by l-izz-ater. Is that cool, babe?"

"What?"

"Catch you on the flip-side, babe. Fo-shizzle."

Hermione massaged her temples. "He hasn't made sense for days! I have no idea what he's saying! I miss the old Ron! Oh well, this is probably just a phase. Yeah, a phase. I'll go lie down."

Meanwhile

Ron walked up to his dorm. He took out his Seventies Slang Book and started reading the section entitled, "Quoting Star Wars."

Harry came up. "Hey Ron, what's up?"

Ron sighed. "Well… Okay, here's the skinny. I was having a confab with Hermione, and being all coolio Casanova, and she was being square to the max, so I split, and now I'll never go to score-city, and I'm out to lunch! 10-4, good buddy?" He looked at Harry hopefully.

"I'll be honest with you. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!"

"Dammit, Harry! Don't be so bogue! The force is definitely not with you!"

Harry sighed. _What's the point of arguing with him?_ _I won't understand what he tells me. I might as well apologize._

"I'm sorry, Ron."

Ron stopped. "Yeah… I'm just a bit clamed up at what went down in my confab with that bunny, Hermione. Give me some skin, Harry!"

Harry looked appalled. "I will not give you some of my skin!"

"Bummer. You always gonna leave me hangin' like that? You trying to burn me? I think I'm just going to go to sleep-city. May the force be with you, and good-night, Johnny-boy."

"MY NAME ISN'T JOHNNY, GOD DAMMIT!"

The next day

Ron was currently in Charms. It had been an average day. Well, as average as you can get when you have a large red afro. Professor Flitwick asked them to copy the notes on the board. Dean, who was currently seated behind Ron, spoke.

"But, Professor! I can't see the board! All I can see is Ron's huge red afro!"

"Yo, brother, don't' be hatin'!" said Ron, turning around to glare at Dean.

"Oh, and can you please make him stop TALKING LIKE A JACKASS?"

"YO! NOT COOL! ESPECIALLY WHEN YO MAMA IS SO STUPID THAT WHEN YO DADDY SAID IT WAS CHILLY OUTSIDE, SHE RAN OUTSIDE WITH A SPOON! **BAM!** Would you like some ice to go with that burn?"

"HEY!"

"BOYS! Stop it! That is quite enough! In all my years, I have never-"

An owl flew into the classroom through an open window. It dropped a scroll on top of Flitwick's head. It rolled to the floor. Flitwick picked it up. He untied the scroll and unrolled it. It read:

_Professor Flitwick, _

_My apologies for interrupting your class, but this matter is quite urgent. Ronald Weasley must be sent to my office immediately. No questions asked please. If you comply with this message, and excuse Mr. Weasley as soon as possible, and without any farther ado, then you shall receive a cookie. This is no ordinary cookie, either. It has sprinkles on it. And these are no ordinary sprinkles, either. They are **rainbow** sprinkles. I'm sure that you now understand the urgency in this. Thank you for your time. If you do as I asked, your cookie shall be arriving shortly. _

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

Flitwick wasted no time. He wanted that cookie.

"Weasley! Dumbledore's office, NOW! Hurry!"

"But-" started Ron.

"DAMMIT, WEASLEY! THIS IS NO ORDINARY COOKIE! I mean, if it was oatmeal raisin, things would be different, but it's not! Now hurry, dammit!"

Ron hurried out of the classroom. The teacher was really starting to scare him. He needed to get away as soon as possible.

_But what could Dumbledore want?_ He thought. Yes, fortunately, his thoughts were still in English.

**Sorry if this wasn't' one of my funniest chapters. Again, sorry it took so long to do this, but seventies talk takes a while to look up. Besides, I didn't know what to write. However, I do know what to do for my next chapter, and I believe that I have enough seventies talk for it, so it shouldn't take long to put up. Oh, and I almost forgot. Here are some English translations for you:**

"Hello Hermione. You are a very cute girl. Would you like to have sex?"

"Ron, what are you talking about?"

Ron sighed. "Aw! Please, Hermione? Let's go into the bedroom."

Hermione stared incredulously at Ron. "I have no idea what you're talking about!"

"Why do you have to be so mean? Don't you want to be intimate with me?"

"RON, JUST TALK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!"

"Whoa! Calm down! Look, I can see that you're a little off today. Why don't you just relax for now, and I'll see you later. Is that okay with you?"

"What?"

"See you later."

**Lol, yeah, I know, that's sick. What can I say though? Ron thinks he's a pimp in this story! Anyway, on to the next translation.**

Ron walked up to his dorm. He took out his Seventies Slang Book and started reading the section entitled, "Quoting Star Wars."

Harry came up. "Hey Ron, what's up?"

Ron sighed. "Well… Okay, here's what happened. I was talking to Hermione, and being all pimpin', and she didn't understand me, so I left, and now I'll never get intimate with her, and I'm just so confused! Do you understand?" He looked at Harry hopefully.

"I'll be honest with you. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!"

"Dammit, Harry! Don't be so stupid! You are definitely not cool!"

Harry sighed. _What's the point of arguing with him?_ _I won't understand what he tells me. I might as well apologize._

"I'm sorry, Ron."

Ron stopped. "Yeah… I'm just a bit annoyed at what happened with Hermione. Give me a high five, Harry!"

Harry looked appalled. "I will not give you some of my skin!"

"Darn. Are you always going to disappoint me like that? Are you trying to insult me? I think I'm just going to go to sleep. May the force be with you, and good-night, Johnny-boy."

"MY NAME ISN'T JOHNNY, GOD DAMMIT!"

**Note: I didn't translate those last phrases because I wanted to point out to you that they are both quotes from either a movie, or a T.V. show. That was a fairly popular thing to do in the seventies. On to the next translation!**

Ron was currently in Charms. It had been an average day. Well, as average as you can get when you have a large red afro. Professor Flitwick asked them to copy the notes on the board. Dean, who was currently seated behind Ron, spoke.

"But, Professor! I can't see the board! All I can see is Ron's huge red afro!"

"Hey! Don't make fun of my hair!" said Ron, turning around to glare at Dean.

"Oh, and can you please make him stop TALKING LIKE A JACKASS?"

"HEY! THAT WASN'T NICE! ESPECIALLY WHEN YO MAMA IS SO STUPID THAT WHEN YO DADDY SAID IT WAS CHILLY OUTSIDE, SHE RAN OUTSIDE WITH A SPOON! **BAM!** Would you like some ice to go with that burn?"

"HEY!"

**Note: I think that last one was pretty self-explanatory, actually.**

**Sorry if the translations were a little rough. And sorry if the chapter was too short. AND SORRY IF I'M A CRAPPY WRITER! I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY! Ha! lol, I'm starting to sound like Ritsu off of Fruits Basket. Think of that as my tribute to him! I am born in the year of the monkey after all:) **


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